What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
