If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
