Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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