Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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