I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
