worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
