things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
