We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
