He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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