i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
