wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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