If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
