i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
