Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
