Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize