I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
