I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
