Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
