Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
