he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
