my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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