dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
