The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
