I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This house was built for laser tag.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
