Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
