if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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