glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
