this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
