I CAN MOONWALK!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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