I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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