i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
