We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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