My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
