TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
