The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
