Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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