I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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