Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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