You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
