i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
its liver damage thursday
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
