I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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