i think my mom watched the whole time
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
