And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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