Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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