I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
