Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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