I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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