addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
