i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
