it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So vagazzling was a success
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