She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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