Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
