He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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