He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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