omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize