Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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