Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
