yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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