She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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