Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
