My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
