Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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