Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
