She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
