you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
