Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
