there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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