clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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