Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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