Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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