He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
