she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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