It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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