I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
