hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
